Last Entry: 28th March 2008
Entry #4
Recently Added to the Archives......
Chimpage Weather with Farmer Giles
"The hot weather is playing havoc with my sheep, with their woolly coats on, and my shearing device has been broken after Mrs Giles used it to shave her legs."
....and Chimpage Travel
"Merenthall Avenue has collapsed after tunnelling work by moles and rabbits caused severe subsidence. Engineers were surprised to discover that the rabbits and moles had been installing rails and building what appeared to be platforms."
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Entry #3
Chimpage Reviews Last Night's TV
Banana Street
Banana Street is a popular soap opera written, produced and acted by monkeys. It's set in a rough inner city community and follows the difficult lives of the local residents. In last night's episode, Jim the Chimpanzee accidentally poured mushy peas down the front of Bob the Orangutan's new tracksuit. After fifteen minutes of shouting "You Dirty Slag!" at each other, there was a brief, poorly acted scuffle before the argument was broken up......by Doris the Ape, who it turned out they'd both been in a relationship with. After another fifteen minutes of shouting "That's well out of order!" the end credits rolled and the Chimpage team breathed a huge sigh of relief. That's thirty minutes of our lives we'll never get back.
Entry #2
From the Chimpage Generators: Secret Society Generator
Majestic Clan of Tight-Fisted and Destitute Retired Lollipop Ladies
Lollipop Ladies have never been famed for their riches or decadent lifestyle. Retired Lollipop Ladies are of course even worse off as they're unlikely to have invested any money earned or royalties in pension funds. We therefore think that this secret society may truly exist in rural parts of Southern England. Hordes of ex-lollipop ladies must meet regularly in empty fields (as they're too tight-fisted to hire out village halls) and plan evil ways of obtaining large quantities of cash. The clan will be majestic as the ex-lollipop ladies will probably have fashioned glittery, spangley outfits out of their council issue high visibility jackets. In adition, and admittedly this is pure speculation, but we believe they may have limbo championships using their old lollipop sticks.
Entry #1
Supermonkey!
He's not a bird. He's not a plane. He's supermonkey!
At 4am, whilst he snoozed and dreamed about a huge banana plantation, Supermonkey's sub-sonic hearing detected a powerful earthquake three hundred miles away. Hearing cries for help he realsied he was urgently needed! Unfortunately Supermonkey has no special flying or running abilities and was forced to use public transport. He waited 20 minutes for a bus before realising they'd stopped running for the night, and then had to phone for a taxi which took another 25 minutes to arrive. Several hours and a huge taxi bill later, he arrived at the scene to discover that firefighters had rescued all of the citizens who had been trapped. His trip was in vain, and he was ridiculed by the huge groups of bystanders watching the rescue effort. Too late Supermonkey! Perhaps next time?